A New Beginning

So here we are, closing out 2012 and I find myself starting a journey that I've taken before but never reached the end of.  I joined Weight Watchers tonight...for the umpteenth time.  I want so badly for this to be it, the one that sticks, the one that changes my life.  I could have cried like a baby when I stepped on that scale and saw 298.8 BLAZING back at me.  How did this happen?  How did I ever let myself get to this point?  Little over a pound away from 300 pounds?  I felt a little part of me die in that moment.

 It's okay though because my internal paramedic got out the zapper pedals and shocked that little part back to life.  The part of me that has in some way given up on myself, on being thin and healthy and sexy.  The part that says, 'its ok if you didn't take a shower today, haven't worn make up in 5 years and ate the kids gummies when they weren't looking!  You are a stay at home mom, you deserve those gummies!'  Well guess what little part of me, its not ok and we aren't giving up and we start today.

It good, a good good good thing.  I'm not setting long term goals just yet.  I don't want to fall into the trap I always set for myself of 'hoping' to reach a certain goal by a certain time and when I don't make it I sabotage myself.  Nope, not gonna do it.  5lb, that is my first goal.  5 little pounds...I can do that!

Here's to a new year and a new attitude!