Food Doesn't Heal A Broken Heart

Tonight was my second weigh in, not surprising to be it was a very small victory, just .4lb on the scales.  This was a rough weekend.  It was rough because I am a stress eater, I don't overeat I just tend to make very poor choices when I'm upset, stressed out, hurting...emotional.  To say I was emotional this weekend wouldn't even begin to describe it.

We are all aware that Friday morning a horrific and tragic event took place in Newtown, CT.  26 people were gunned down inside an elementary school, 20 of the victims were 6 and 7 year old 1st graders.  Words can't be summoned to aptly express how this event has effected me.  I'm heartbroken for those babies who's lives have been cut short, devastated for the families left behind of not just the victims but the survivors.  Those children who lived through this event will forever be scarred by its trauma.  I have been crying since the news hit Friday morning and I doubt I will stop anytime soon.  This is especially hard for me because of how close to home it is.  My baby, my son, is turning 6 this Thursday.  With unruly hair and a missing front tooth, my child will be celebrating his birthday tomorrow at a local bounce house with almost everyone of his classmates.  I will take every bit of control I have to get through it without thinking about those babies who will never have another birthday.  Without looking around at the 20 screaming, shouting, goofy kids and thinking......this could have been them.  At the same time, feeling a little bit guilty that my family is whole, will celebrate birthdays and holidays, that I can yell at my kids for fighting or leaving toys out to be stepped on.

So I made bad choices.  I fell back on old habits and tried to let the food heal my breaking heart.  It doesn't work.  In the end it just adds to the emotion of guilt, that I ate the cookies when I shouldn't have or didn't track anything at all on Friday.  I didn't start out with the intention of making this such a sad and emotional post.  I suppose its therapeutic to get it out in words what I've been thinking and feeling.  I went to the gym tonight and did 50 minutes on the elliptical and it made me feel good, something I needed to lift me back up a little bit.  I've got a plan mapped out for this week and I'm going to do my best to stick with it.