Nearly 1 week down

I am doing fantastic!  I'm so proud of myself, I've jumped in with both feet and am taking off.  The food part is easy, it should be since I've done it a bazillion times.  I made it to the Y 4 times last week and that is what I'm proud of.  3 of those days were 45 minutes on the elliptical and one was weight training with our trainer.  We have a few free sessions with a trainer and we're taking full advantage of them.

I'm really looking forward to Monday night.  I've worked harder this first week than I ever have and I'm excited to see what the scale says.  At the same time I'm being realistic and keeping in mind that when you start working out your muscles tend to retain water, its part of how they repair themselves and build up, so if its just a teeny loss I'm okay with that because I know it will catch up eventually.

Who knew I could do that?

So, I've decided to try and get to the gym 4-5 days during the week and then take the weekends off to recoup and relax.  We'll see how this pans out in the long run.  I have been EXHAUSTED every day and have taken a nap most everyday this week after working out.  I'm looking forward to that passing and the big burst of energy to carry me through the day.  I'm trying to make sure and eat a protein snack within half an hour of my workout to help with that.

So, I guess that's it.  I don't have much to say, just 2 more days until that first weigh in and I can't wait!

Starting On The Right Foot

I have started WW many many times, and had success a couple of times, but I've never EVER done it along with exercise.  Sure I did a free 6 week trial of Curves and really liked the feeling of having accomplished something, but that evil E word never really happened.

This time around I'm starting things off right, with EXERCISE!  Steve and I joined the YMCA when he got back from his deployment and part of the membership is 8 free weeks with a trainer to learn how all the machines work and to set up a good workout routine.  I started doing the bike and quickly found out that I got a much better workout on another one of those horrid E-words...the ELLIPTICAL!  I tell you I was scared to death of that thing, heard horror stories etc and once I started doing it I LOVE IT.  Okay well nobody loooooves working out but I love the feeling of pride and 'hell yeah!' that I get when I climb off all shaky kneed and sweaty.  Not to mention the huge amount of calories you burn!

Side View before pic (all sweaty, ewww)

Before Pic front view

It's not pretty but it feels great!  This was me, yesterday, after 45 minutes on the elliptical.  I thought about cutting it short around the 20 minute mark. Told myself that 30 minutes was still a great workout and it was a good start after being gone from the gym for so long.  However, when 30 minutes rolled around I kicked myself in the butt and make myself keep going...GO ME!

I am doing great with my food, have my gym time all planned out for the week and am feeling so positive about this!  Oh and my girl is helping me with my first 'habit' of not leaving the house without a healthy snack, she brings me clementines every time we start to leave lol.  Thanks babe ;)

healthy snack with my girl after working out!

A New Beginning

So here we are, closing out 2012 and I find myself starting a journey that I've taken before but never reached the end of.  I joined Weight Watchers tonight...for the umpteenth time.  I want so badly for this to be it, the one that sticks, the one that changes my life.  I could have cried like a baby when I stepped on that scale and saw 298.8 BLAZING back at me.  How did this happen?  How did I ever let myself get to this point?  Little over a pound away from 300 pounds?  I felt a little part of me die in that moment.

 It's okay though because my internal paramedic got out the zapper pedals and shocked that little part back to life.  The part of me that has in some way given up on myself, on being thin and healthy and sexy.  The part that says, 'its ok if you didn't take a shower today, haven't worn make up in 5 years and ate the kids gummies when they weren't looking!  You are a stay at home mom, you deserve those gummies!'  Well guess what little part of me, its not ok and we aren't giving up and we start today.

It good, a good good good thing.  I'm not setting long term goals just yet.  I don't want to fall into the trap I always set for myself of 'hoping' to reach a certain goal by a certain time and when I don't make it I sabotage myself.  Nope, not gonna do it.  5lb, that is my first goal.  5 little pounds...I can do that!

Here's to a new year and a new attitude!

On Strike

Oh I'm in a sad sad place diet wise right now.  By diet I don't mean the evil 4 letter D word, I just mean my eating has not been Grade A this past week.  I am struggling really badly right now.  I had 2 pretty good weeks in a row that resulted in small gains....what the hell?!?!?!!?!?  So what happened after last weeks weigh in?

Yup you guessed it, my inner toddler is back and throwing one hell of a tantrum.  She hat a huge Italian meal, Chinese, a cupcake, some chocolate....over the span of week but still.  Not proud.  To say the very very least I'm just disappointed.

Today is the beginning of my week though and I vow to turn myself around starting today.  The countdown has begun to the BIG 3-0 and I really want to be closer to 50lb than 20.  Summer has KICKED MY BUCKET!   (thanks Megan, if you're reading this lol)

So, short post today, not much to say for myself as I hang my head in shame.  How is summer treating you?  This heat is killing me and I suspect it might have contributed a bit to the gain as I feel all swollen and yuck, despite drinking enough water to fill a pool.  Ok that might be a slight exaggeration but you get the point.

More later.

Get Your Head In The Game!

What the what????  You are probably wondering what the heck High School Musical has to do with this blog.  Right?  Well I will tell you!  The pics above are from a musical number about getting your head in the game.  Makes complete sense now right ;)

I ask you to bear bare be patient with me this week while we hit blog overload.  Another realization I've come to thank to a good friend, is that I've slacked big time in the blogging.  I have been in Plateau City (a weight loss reference to staying pretty stationery on the scales) for the past few months and it pissed me off.  I've spent  a lot of money on this program and shouldn't be screwing around when I know I have the drive, the ability and the need to make it happen.  In the beginning I blogged daily, sometimes multiple times daily and I was very successful.  I stayed on track, stayed accountable and was able to voice my feelings about this journey.  So I'm throwing myself full on back into blogging, no excuses...if I'm dormant for heavens sake CALL ME ON IT!  Shoot me an email, send me a text, leave me a not so nice comment on one of my posts about how LAZY I've gotten!  I may not like you right away if you are too mean but the point will get across.  Towards the end of the year I have a busy schedule so it will get harder but I need to keep going.  Just like tracking, blogging seems to be a tool I can't do without right now.

So feel free to not read everything that comes across your feed, my feelings won't be hurt at all.  I promise I'll have new pix and measurements and all that stuff soon!

My Eyes and My Brain Aren't Speaking

One of the things I'm struggling with a bit, and probably always will, is the warped way I see portions.  The way an anorexic sees herself in the mirror as a mega fatty....that is the way I see my food portions.  Not all the time but every now and then it sneaks up on me and I really have to struggle to overcome it.  Being overweight is (although most people wouldn't think so) and eating disorder in many ways.  I didn't WANT to be obese, I DID NOT DO IT ON PURPOSE!  I get so tired of judgemental folks who throw out their, 'just eat less' 'you brought this on yourself' 'you must not have any self control, how hard it is to not eat to much?' crap for the world to have to listen too.  I get ahead of myself though.  Let me explain what I was originally talking about.

Example: I made tuna casserole for dinner last night.  I use my favorite 9x9 casserole dish and its perfect because we get 9 easy to divide up servings.  6pts per serving.  Steve and I usually each eat 2 since we don't have anything along with is as a side dish..I'm cool with 12pts for dinner cuz, um, my tuna casserole rocks big time!  Anyway, that leaves 2 double portions in Glad containers for lunch the next day and 1 serving split between the kids.  So today I pull out my container to pop in the microwave.  I pop off the lid and my very first thought was, 'geesh what else can I eat, there is barely anything in there!'  Normally I dump the contents onto a plate or into a bowl to eat, part of my need to see it spread out so I can see that the portion is actually quite a lot.  Today I didn't want to mess with another dirty dish so I ate it right out of the container, all the while pondering what to eat to add to my lunch.  Well guess what, I didn't eat anything else.  By the time I finished I was very satisfied...because DUH THAT WAS A DOUBLE PORTION THAT WAS PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE LAST NIGHT ON A PLATE!!!

It was yet another reminder that while I feel in control of this whole weight loss thing most of the time, I still have some quirks in my brain that will throw up little road blocks here and there as I go.  I'm figuring out ways around the blocks, detours if you will.  I may need a little snack once the kids go nap but I've got cheese and grapes all planned out for that :)

Why I Hate Combining Buffets and WW

So today my husband had the day off and decided he'd really like to go to Hometown Buffet for lunch.  I slept through breakfast so I figured what the heck, I have plenty of points and I've done this before so I can make it work.  Now, like a good girl I started with a salad, lots of lettuce, peas, mushrooms and broccoli on top, just a teeny bit of egg and NO CROUTONS!  That's right, I went for the bacon bits and left my buttery, garlicky crunchy yumminess off and guess what...I didn't miss them at all.  I had light ranch and all was good.  Onto the actual food!

If you have been to a buffet recently then you'll understand this next part....their healthy selections are on the sucky side.  Sure they have green beans....swimming in a vat of buttery water (not to mention they are cooked until almost mushy and are usually an unnatural shade of brown green), baby carrots (I do actually eat those but we all know they aren't a FREE veggie) and today a very soggy assortment of zucchini and squash.  How do I handle this?  Does it get the better of me???? NO WAY BUFFET!  I ate the following...

• 1/4c mac n cheese
• 1 fish stick (more the size of a chicken strip)
• 1/2c white rice
• 1/2c orange chicken (not the healthiest but its actually quite good)
• 4oz of lemon pepper baked white fish...super yummy!
• baby carrots
• salad!!!!!!!!!!!!
• 1/3c of chocolate pudding for dessert

So, as you can see I 'sampled' my way around instead of loading my plate like a glutton and snarfing down uncountable amounts of crap.  To be honest, I didn't even finish most of the servings I gave myself, a few bites here a few there and then onto something else.  All in all I used 18 points...not bad considering I let myself have a dessert and there was a bit of Chinese food in there.  Now fab but hey, its eating out at a BUFFET, its not going to be low points.

Now you are probably thinking...okay she sounds like she did okay so why does she hate it so much?  Well I'll tell you.  It's actually sort of a twisted and complicated emotion I have for buffets while doing WW.  I don't feel like I eat enough to justify the cost, then I feel guilty about wasting money and have to battle myself not to get another plate and load up just to make sure I eat my dollars worth.  Crazy right?  We eat out more than we should, I know this, but at least when I get a meal at one of our usual places (yes my lovelies, Wendy's is one of our usual places) I know the points up front and feel like the cost to fulfillment ratio is right. 

I am probably all alone out here feeling that way, and you may be feeling a little let down that I didn't have some awesome train wreck of a story...sorry if my title was misleading ;)  but I feel better having faced one of my fatty demons and come away with a little peek into how my 'fat girl brain' works.  I will not let myself eat more than I want just to feel better about the cost.  Buffets make me feel guilty about that.  Buffet, I think we need to break up.  The End.